Ten Helpful Guidlines
Coping mechanisms
Emotional
Reactions
Grief Support
Links
At Casterline Funeral Home we
feel it is our responsibility to continue our commitment
to you and your family long after the initial request
for service is fulfilled. We know this is a difficult
time for you and would like you to know we are always
available to listen and help point you in the direction
of beginning the healing process. We offer to you some
general information about grief itself, and links to
many support groups in the area to assist you in your
journey.
We know grief is an individual
response to a loss, and it is impossible to predict
how it will affect any one person, but the following
are some generalizations about the grief process.
Ten Helpful
Guidelines
| 1. |
Accept your emotions.
Any significant loss, such as death of a loved one,
hurts. Your emotions are a natural response to the
death of a loved one. |
| 2. |
Express your feelings. Deal with
your conflicting feelings openly. A feeling that
is denied expression is not destroyed; it remains
with you and often erupts at inappropriate times.
|
| 3. |
Don't expect miracles overnight.
Allow sufficient time for the grieving period to
run its course. Don't compare yourself with others
in similar positions. |
| 4. |
If you have children, bring them into
the grieving process. Death is a crisis
that should be shared by all members of the family.
Children too often are forgotten by grieving adults.
Silence and secrecy deprive them of an important
opportunity to share grief. |
| 5. |
Don't escape into loneliness.
If you isolate yourself, stay alone too much, your
home will become a protective shell that keeps you
from facing the challenges of life. |
| 6. |
Keep in touch with your friends.
Let the right people know that you need their support
and feedback. They cannot bring you comfort unless
you talk with them and share your feelings |
| 7. |
Join a support group. Self-help
groups have been successful in providing necessary
emotional intervention through the crisis of great
loss. People in these groups understand your fears
and frustrations; they have been there before themselves.
|
| 8. |
Counseling may be very beneficial.
Sorrow leaves its imprint on the healthiest of personalities.
You may need more than the warmth of a close friend
or understanding of a fellow sufferer. A professional
counselor who is not emotionally attached to you
may be more effective to assist you in dealing with
your intense feelings or maintaining a clear perspective.
|
| 9. |
Be nice to yourself. By treating
yourself well, you could become your own best friend.
While you need caring and supportive people, you
also need moments of solitude to find yourself.
|
| 10. |
Turn pain into growth. Death
ends a life, not a relationship. Through grief,
you can become a more understanding, compassionate
and sympathetic person. Resolve to live as your
beloved would want to live, love as they would want
you to love, and serve others as they would have
wanted you to serve. |
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Coping
mechanisms
Coping mechanisms operate to psychologically
protect individuals and are used to reduce the level
of anxiety they feel at a given moment. This allows
them to better adjust to the loss and begin the grieving
and healing process.
| 1. |
Disbelief or denial: This
response reduces anxiety by allowing individuals
to limit their awareness about the reality of what
has happened until the pain can be let in more slowly.
Everything inside shouts "NO"! and the
mind struggles to escape. |
| 2. |
Disorganization and dependence: Characterized
by a period of confusion in which the grieving person
may feel out of touch with the ordinary proceedings
of life. They may exhibit very dependent behavior
and a time-orientation that focuses solely on the
present. |
| 3. |
Intellectualization:
A coping mechanism in which the grieving person
attempts to master the loss by gathering a great
deal of knowledge and information and analyzing
in detail the situations leading to the loss. If
it remains within reasonable bounds, intellectualization
can give the individual and family members a greater
sense of control. |
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Emotional
Reactions
Emotional responses coexist with coping mechanisms, but
they do not necessarily protect the person from the trauma
of loss. They are means for the individual to express
emotions and feelings associated with the loss.
| 1. |
Anger and
resentment are common
emotions of bereaved individuals. It is often expressed
as a protest against what seems to be a cruel, unfair
and incomprehensible fate. It is a reaction to frustration
-- the source of which cannot be removed, so the
person feels trapped and helpless. For most of us,
talking openly about our feelings helps
reduce the anger. |
| 2. |
Guilt feelings are
frequently a part of the grief process. These
feelings become focused as the individual searches
for the cause of the loss thinking thoughts like
these:
o "What did I do wrong?''
o ''Could _____ have done anything
differently?''
o "If only I hadn't _____."
o "If only I would have _____''.
It is human to feel guilty and to want another
chance to erase neglect or failure. If the individual
openly expresses guilt, it is better to encourage
talking about it rather than clamming up. Saying
''No, you're not to blame" doesn't really
help either. A caring person will encourage the
full expression of feelings rather than blocking
them, which would make the person feel even more
guilty. |
| 3. |
Fear and anxiety
is another emotional component of bereavement. The
grieving person may exhibit feelings of helplessness,
hopelessness, hurt and anxiety. Sudden loss means
rapid change and demands great adjustment. Joining
a support group where people can freely express
their worries in a supportive environment can help
reduce needless anxiety. |
| 4. |
Shame occurs when a
person is in a situation that is incompatible with
the image that one wishes others to have. Shame,
guilt, anger and regret often intertwine and are
overlapping. |
| 5. |
Loneliness and depression
are considered the most painful processes. When
a loved one is removed from their lives, people
often are overcome by feelings of utter depression
and isolation. Gradually the finality of the loss
sinks in -- an empty chair near the TV, an unused
pillow, a family photo, a missing phone call. Sadness
and depression follow and self-pity is frequent.
|
| 6. |
Relief and recovery:
Feelings of relief are difficult to admit and acknowledge
openly. Relief is so intermingled with our sense
of loss that we cannot see it isolated enough to
take it for what it is -- a normal, human response.
A feeling of relief does not imply any criticism
for the lost relationship. There is an overlap between
relief and recovery -- in fact, feelings of relief
may signal recovery. As the individual brings closure
to bereavement, and as hope softens the intense
feelings of loss, a new life begins. The person
reaches out and makes constructive efforts to rebuild
by responding more readily to phone calls, attending
meetings, and seeing social gatherings as opportunities.
|
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Grief
Support Links:
www.newhope.net
www.angelahospice.org
www.arborhospice.org
www.braveheartofmichigan.org
www.hom.org
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